Divorce has a way of convincing you your story is finished. The shock, the stigma, the loneliness can press you into a corner until you start to believe the best you can hope for is to cope. If you’re a solo parent who feels disqualified from joy, you’re not alone. Today’s conversation invites you to consider something braver than survival. What if your worth did not end with the loss of your marriage. What if a reimagined life is still possible.
Lysa TerKeurst, President and Chief Visionary Officer, Proverbs 31 Ministries, describes the end of her 29-year marriage as “the death of the future I thought I would have.” It began with a horrifying discovery the day before her daughter’s rehearsal dinner, then a long, disorienting season of trying to save what could not be saved. In the same year, her body broke under the weight of it all. Emergency colon surgery. Later, breast cancer. She kept hoping for restoration. There were brief upswings, even renewed vows, before the final collapse. Through it, she learned to name the grief for what it was, and then let something new be born.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth Cole, a single parent, opens the episode with her own vulnerable moment. After her ex’s sudden heart attack and triple bypass, she spent unexpected time with all three kids. It brought old memories rushing back, yet it did not pull her into wishing for what once was. She could enjoy the good without needing to return to the person she used to be. That is the texture of a life being reimagined in real time.
Key Insights from This Episode
- You are not disqualified from a reimagined life
- Belonging steadies your kids more than an “intact” picture of family
- Churches can be safe hospitals for the wounded
You are not disqualified from a reimagined life
The deepest lie after divorce is that your worth expired with your marriage. Lysa speaks to this with hard-won clarity. She calls divorce a vortex where shame and pain twine together until you cannot tell where one ends and the other begins. There is no quick fix. What begins to open space again are small, honest moments of hope. A quiet night without the panic. A genuine laugh. The courage to tell your story to one safe person.
Lysa urges anyone in the middle of that vortex to resist isolation. “Don’t go at this alone,” she says. Find people who can hold your pain without trying to explain it away. The most healing words in those early days may simply be, “I believe you,” and, “I’m so sorry.” Those sentences do not change the facts, but they change the loneliness of them. They give your body a place to breathe again.
There is also spiritual clarity in naming the truth about destructive marriages. Lysa cautions against a reflex that hides behind slogans. The often-quoted “God hates divorce” is not a license to dismiss the wounded. She points to the heart of Scripture that protects the vulnerable and distinguishes a difficult marriage worth fighting for from a destructive one that does harm. That distinction matters, especially for solo parents who have carried the invisible accusation that they should have endured more to be acceptable.
Belonging steadies your kids more than an “intact” picture of family
One of Lysa’s turning points came at Christmas. Her kids opened gifts, and a text arrived from her ex: a photo of him on a pier, arms raised, somewhere tropical. No Merry Christmas. No presence. Just absence. The room went silent. In that ache, Lysa decided to give her children one of the greatest gifts a parent can give after divorce: a continued sense of belonging.
She kept some traditions and created new ones, not to erase the pain, but to ensure the story at their table was not “the empty chair.” Over time, those traditions became anchors. Inside jokes, familiar meals, and small rituals matter more than a perfect family photo. As Elizabeth notes, belonging is not theoretical. It can be as practical as helping a child truly “own” their room, even if they only sleep there every other weekend. It is the difference between visiting and belonging.
Churches can be safe hospitals for the wounded
Robert Beeson, Founder/CEO of Solo Parent, asks the question many leaders carry: How do churches support single parents without appearing to condone divorce. Lysa’s answer is tender and direct. She understands the tension and the fear. But the church is called to be a hospital for hurting people, not a courtroom where wounded families must argue their case. Practical compassion looks like clear pathways to care, designated support groups, and a posture that believes victims who name abuse or destructive dynamics.
Lysa’s invitation is not to ease standards but to embody the heart of God for image bearers who never wanted their story to look like this. It is possible to honor marriage and also honor people who are climbing out of harm toward healing. For solo parents, this kind of church becomes the safest place in town.
Listener Question
“How do I deal with my ex undermining me in front of the kids?”
Robert’s counsel begins with restraint: keep your words few, especially in front of the children. Escalation is easy. De-escalation is an act of strength. “Without wood, a fire goes out,” he quotes. When undermining happens in the moment, Elizabeth suggests holding a simple boundary: “We’re not going to talk about that right now. I’ll text you at six to set a time.” If the kids deliver an undermining message secondhand, thank them for telling you, reassure them, and remove the burden: “I’ll talk to your dad about that. You don’t need to worry.” The goal is not to score points but to keep your home safe for your children’s hearts.
Resources Mentioned in This Episode
• Surviving an Unwanted Divorce by Lysa TerKeurst with Dr. Joel Muddamalle and Jim Cress: A compassionate, biblically grounded guide that helps readers navigate the pain, shame, and loneliness of divorce while discovering hope, healing, and a renewed sense of purpose in God.
• Proverbs 31 Ministries: A global, faith-based organization that equips women to know the truth of God’s Word and live it out with confidence in everyday life.
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