There’s a strange tension that comes with the phrase “self-care.” For many solo parents, it doesn’t feel like an invitation to breathe. It feels like a demand you can’t possibly meet. You’re already doing everything, managing bills, raising kids, keeping a home afloat. When someone tells you to “take more time for yourself,” it can sound less like encouragement and more like another way to remind you of what you’re not doing well enough.
Self-care is supposed to refresh, but in the world of solo parenting it often feels loaded with guilt. What happens when self-care becomes something that triggers resentment instead of renewal?
This conversation explores exactly that tension, naming why self-care can be weaponized, where cultural myths mislead us, and how to reframe care in ways that bring resilience instead of shame.
Key Insights from This Episode
- Self-care can be weaponized
- The myths of self-care make it harder to access
- Redefining self-care means embracing patience, honesty, and grace
Self-care can be weaponized
Marissa Lee, an author and single parent, shared how in her first marriage, self-care was turned into an excuse for neglect. Whenever she asked for even a small break, like time to take a shower, her husband would claim he needed “me time” to go mountain biking. “Your time is coming at a sacrifice of mine,” she recalled, pointing out the imbalance. For many single parents, this dynamic is familiar, where someone else’s care becomes a burden you end up carrying.
The myths of self-care make it harder to access.
Cultural messaging often equates self-care with indulgence or luxury. Elizabeth Cole, a single parent, noted how self-care gets marketed as spa days, wine, or expensive products. But those images aren’t realistic for a parent who can’t even find five quiet minutes. True care doesn’t always look glamorous. Sometimes it looks like bringing order to chaos, as Marissa explained, when reorganizing her attic gave her calm and stability. Sometimes it looks like making your bed or repairing a broken relationship. Real self-care isn’t escape…it’s grounding.
Redefining self-care means embracing patience, honesty, and grace.
Self-care isn’t meant to fix root problems. It won’t take away grief, end custody struggles, or erase stress. But it does create the resilience to face them. Robert Beeson, Founder/CEO of Solo Parent, reflected that foundational to self-care is patience and grace with yourself: “It’s not pressuring yourself to do something.” Elizabeth added that sometimes the best self-care comes when you push through the guilt of leaving laundry undone and choose instead to sit in a bath, letting yourself breathe. Real care is about listening to what your body and soul need, not what culture prescribes.
This episode also reminds us to be mindful of how our self-care choices impact others, especially our kids. Elizabeth reflected, “How is my self-care coming across to Jax?” It’s a reminder that while care is essential, it should never become a disguise for neglect or a reason to disengage.
Listener Question
“If you could swap lives with someone for a day, who would it be?”
Marissa’s first instinct was her child. “I’d love to understand what it’s like to be on the other side of me from their eyes,” she said, wondering how it might change the way she loves. Elizabeth imagined walking in the shoes of Ken Isaacs, a humanitarian who has served in disaster zones worldwide. She reflected on how such an experience might shift her perspective on what really matters. Robert admitted he wasn’t sure who he’d choose, but hoped he could step into the life of someone whose faith was so steady that surrender and peace came naturally.
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