When life knocks you down again and again, it’s tempting to stay there. Especially for solo parents, the weight of betrayal, loss, or disappointment can make the thought of getting back up feel exhausting. We tell ourselves to push through, to “be strong,” yet sometimes that resilience becomes a mask, one that hides unprocessed pain and keeps us from truly healing.
This episode explores what it means to build real tenacity: the kind that’s not about pretending you’re okay, but about growing the capacity to hold the pain that life brings while still moving forward. Guest Toni Collier, founder of Broken Crayons Still Color and author of Don’t Try This Alone, offers hard-earned wisdom from her journey through two divorces, raising two kids, and choosing community when it would’ve been easier to hide.
Toni’s story is a reminder that healing rarely happens alone. Isolation may feel safe, but it robs us of the strength and perspective we gain when we let others walk with us. And in the middle of all the messy, complicated layers of life, there’s still hope, hope that God can redeem even the most painful chapters of our story.
Key Insights from This Episode
- True resilience comes from preparation, not just reaction.
- Community is the antidote to shame.
- To find safe people, you must become one.
True resilience comes from preparation, not just reaction
Toni shares that healing starts when we stop expecting life to be perfect. Pain is inevitable in a fallen, imperfect world. Instead of living defensively, reacting only when the next crisis hits, she encourages us to build the “capacity and grit” to face hard seasons head-on. This means preparing our hearts, strengthening our faith, and deciding ahead of time how we’ll respond when challenges arise.
Community is the antidote to shame
During her first divorce, Toni isolated herself from friends and avoided her community out of embarrassment and shame. Looking back, she realizes that isolation left her vulnerable to making quick, unhealthy choices. The second time she faced divorce, she leaned on a “confessional community” she had built over four years, friends who showed up for her the moment she got devastating news. That support became a lifeline, helping her heal in ways isolation never could.
To find safe people, you must become one
If we want trustworthy, dependable friends, we have to start by practicing those qualities ourselves. Toni admits she once wasn’t the best friend, quick to detach and slow to apologize. Through counseling and self-awareness, she learned to communicate with kindness, honor boundaries, and show up consistently. Becoming a safe person makes it easier to attract safe people. She also points to biblical examples of friendship, like Jesus in the story of Lazarus, who honored grief before offering a solution.
Toni also talks openly about forgiveness in the face of betrayal. For her, forgiveness isn’t about excusing the wrong but choosing not to carry resentment. She leans on Bob Goff’s question, “What does generous assumption require of me?”, reframing her ex-husband not as a wicked person but as a weak one—someone with his own brokenness. This shift helps her release bitterness and step into freedom.
Listener Question:
“How do I prepare my children for the custody handoff when I know they’re dreading it?”
Elizabeth shared how her son sometimes feels torn, sad to leave her, yet excited to see his dad. She’s learned to help him hold both truths without rushing to fix them. Robert added that validating their feelings is key, while also encouraging openness to the possibility that the time might be better than they expect. He also stressed the importance of reminding children they’re never alone, God is with them, even in the uncomfortable moments.
Resources Mentioned In This Episode:
- Broken Crayons Still Color: Toni Collier’s global women’s organization helping women process brokenness and find healing and hope.
- Don’t Try This Alone by Toni Collier: A book on building deep community when you want to hide from your pain.
- Still Coloring Podcast: Hosted by Toni Collier.
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