Our guests today are Justin and Trisha Davis, Founders of RefineUs Ministries and Authors of One Choice Away From Change
When you’ve been stuck in the same painful patterns for a long time, change can feel impossible. You try to do better. You pray. You plan. You promise yourself things will be different. But somehow, you keep ending up right where you started—hurt, tired, and discouraged.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not broken. You’re not failing. And you’re not alone.
In this episode, we talk honestly about the cycles that keep so many solo parents stuck. Whether it’s codependency, shame, blame, or just emotional exhaustion, these patterns don’t just affect how we show up in relationships. They impact how we see ourselves and how we show up in our own lives.
Justin and Trisha Davis are no strangers to this. After years in ministry and what looked like a successful life on the outside, they found themselves at the edge of collapse. Their church closed. Their marriage broke. Their identity shattered. But it was in that dark, uncertain space that something new began. Not with a dramatic overnight change, but with one small, honest choice.
Today We Cover Three Main Points:
- Recognizing the emotional and spiritual patterns that keep us stuck
- Why real change starts with honesty, not hustle
- How to take one grounded step forward even when you’re overwhelmed
Why does this matter? Because solo parenting isn’t just about getting through today. It’s about slowly, steadily creating a healthier future, even if all you can see right now is survival.
Key Insights from This Episode
1. The patterns we avoid naming are the ones that hold the most power over us
Justin and Trisha talked about how easy it is to think you’re doing fine just because everything looks okay on the outside. For years, they were leading a thriving church and doing what seemed like all the right things. But under the surface, their marriage was unraveling.
They shared how one coaching session changed everything. A simple question, what would the healthiest version of you, seven years from now, wish you had done today, helped them see how cycles of resentment, blame, and emotional hiding had taken over.
Giving your struggle a name is the first step toward change. It’s hard, and sometimes even painful, to face the truth about our patterns. But it’s only in that honest space that healing can begin.
2. You don’t have to change everything. Just start with one small choice
It’s easy to get overwhelmed when you think about everything that needs to be fixed. Especially as a solo parent, you’re already carrying more than your share. When you’re in survival mode, big goals can feel suffocating.
Trisha talked about how decision fatigue is real. There are so many people to take care of, so many things that need your attention. And sometimes, you forget that you’re one of them. She called that one intentional choice your oxygen, the thing that keeps you breathing and moving forward.
It might be choosing to tell the truth. Or asking for help. Or saying no to something that drains you. Whatever it is, it doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be honest. One aligned choice can shift the direction of your life more than you realize.
3. Freedom doesn’t come from control. It comes from surrender
Most of us try to fix our pain by trying harder. We double down. We make lists. We control everything we can. But the truth is, you can’t strategize your way into healing.
Justin shared how, for years, he leaned on his giftedness while neglecting his character. He could charm his way through tough spots, make things work, and move on. But eventually, it caught up with him. He wasn’t anchored. When things fell apart, there was nothing to hold him in place.
Surrender sounds like weakness, but it’s actually strength. It means being honest with God and yourself about what’s not working. It means letting go of the performance and choosing humility.
Trisha reminded us that rock bottom isn’t the end. It’s a solid surface to stand on. When you surrender, when you’re willing to just show up honestly, that’s where freedom starts to take shape.
Listener Question of the Week
How can I encourage my child to try new things without forcing them?
Justin gave a great analogy. He asked us to imagine eating the same food for every meal. Sure, it keeps you alive. But it doesn’t nourish you or excite you. Kids need variety too, and when they stay in the same habits (like gaming or only hanging out with friends) they might not realize what they’re missing.
The goal isn’t to shame them out of their interests but to invite them into curiosity. Justin shared how he once pressured his son to pursue basketball, only to realize later that his son was trying to live out his father’s dream, not his own. That pressure eventually led to burnout and a painful emotional collapse.
Elizabeth talked about how setting limits on screen time helped her son Jax discover a natural love for music. He started teaching himself piano and spent hours exploring something he loved, simply because the space was there.
Robert added that balance is key. He never made his daughters feel bad about being on social media or gaming. He just encouraged them to try other things too. Exploration doesn’t require commitment. It just requires openness.
Resources, Links, and References:
[One Choice Away From Change – Book by Justin & Trisha Davis]
[RefineUs Ministries]
[Join a Solo Parent Group near you]
[Solo Parent Society App & Community Boards]
