Sometimes the riskiest thing you can do is nothing at all.
If you’re a solo parent, you know what it’s like to weigh every choice against the question: What happens if this goes wrong? Risk doesn’t feel like an opportunity, it feels like something we can’t afford. Not when the house, the schedule, the emotions, and the kids are all balanced on our shoulders.
Amber Fuller, a counselor with a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy (MMFT), joined us to unpack what it looks like to take healthy risks as a solo parent, not reckless ones, not performative leaps, but intentional steps toward growth. She shared how, in her own life, fear of the unknown almost kept her from going back to school. “I told God, ‘I don’t have the time. I don’t have the money.’ But the nudge didn’t go away. So I started with one class.”
That’s often how risk begins, not with a huge decision, but with one small yes.
Key Insights from This Episode
- The fear of being the only parent can create a paralysis that keeps us from truly living.
- What holds us back from risk is often our own history, not what’s actually in front of us.
- The best way to grow our courage is to start small and celebrate as we go.
One of the most powerful fears solo parents carry is the fear of being the only one. The only provider. The only emotional anchor. The only safe place for their child. For Elizabeth Cole, a single parent, that fear translated into hypervigilance. “I’ve said no to things like skydiving because I’ve got something to live for,” she said. “It’s like, nobody move, nobody touch anything. I’m the only one.”
The fear of being the only parent can create a paralysis that keeps us from truly living.
Even when there is a co-parent, or some shared responsibility, many solo parents carry a sense that they are the final line of defense. That fear, while understandable, can start to influence every decision: avoiding new relationships, turning down career opportunities, staying in the same job for decades, or ignoring deep longings simply because “now isn’t the time.”
Amber offered this reframe: “We think we’re afraid of the future. But the future doesn’t even exist yet. What we’re actually afraid of is the past happening again.”
What holds us back from risk is often our own history, not what’s actually in front of us.
When we name that, we give ourselves permission to move forward differently. It doesn’t mean ignoring fear. “Fear is real for all of us,” Amber said. “But courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s doing the next thing, even with fear present.”
The best way to grow our courage is to start small and celebrate as we go.
Robert Beeson, Founder/CEO of Solo Parent, shared how starting Solo Parent didn’t happen all at once. It started with noticing the need. It grew through trial and error. And it required letting go of the idea that everything needed to be perfect before moving forward. “Sometimes the only thing you need to do,” he said, “is start. Just take one small step in the direction of what you hope for.”
Amber also reminded us that community matters. “When you have people around you who care, you’re more likely to try. You have a safe place to land, and that makes all the difference.” Whether it’s friends, support groups, or even a community board full of fellow solo parents, connection helps build courage.
Listener Question
“How do I fight the loneliness that hits after the kids go to bed?”
Elizabeth didn’t hesitate: “That stabs me in the gut. I’ve sat in that discomfort many nights.” For her, the practice has become checking in with herself instead of trying to immediately numb the pain. “What am I actually needing right now? Connection? Rest? Stillness?”
Amber’s response was equally honest: “At first, my phone became my coping mechanism. I couldn’t leave the house, so it became my portal to connection. But I realized that while it helped sometimes, it didn’t always make me feel better.”
Loneliness isn’t something to be ashamed of, it’s something to listen to. And it may just be pointing us back to connection with ourselves, with others, and with God.
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