“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”

At Solo Parent, we borrow a lot of inspiration from all kinds of people across time, sharing quotes from a thirteenth century poet born in modern-day Afghanistan, Japan’s most celebrated novelist today, and many people of all different kinds in between. We’ve shared from To Kill A Mockingbird, biblical passages, and Twitter hashtags like “touch grass.” Some sources we’ve mined are creative artists and some experts in their fields. Today, we found the monologue of screenwriter Eric Roth, as read above, and it speaks to our wishes for you and for each other.

We have all felt broken, wounded, and defeated. Some of us sought help and brought our pain to church or to a friend as a refuge—only to feel turned away, antagonized, or judged from the very place we had sought compassion and support. Everyone’s human. Everyone has their own baggage, no matter how wise or how holy their affiliation. Sometimes, we respond clumsily to each other. And you may be left wondering: I know I need to be brave and keep trying, chin up, but how can I do that when the only person who is reliably compassionate and supportive is myself?

Redefining Your Belovedness

Churches—and friends or loved ones—want to be good and faithful. They want to help others reach goodness and faithfulness. The question is how, and never more than when what’s happened in our lives goes against what that church or friend believes is best for us (an intact marriage and family).

When we’re suffering with the sudden state of solo parenthood, not only are we struggling to look after everything that needs looking after, but we’re struggling with our value within our community. We know we’ve fallen outside the ideal. It may feel like someone else’s evaluation of our worth, whether it’s personal or institutional, is based on our performance. And we’re devastated by what’s gone wrong, whether we’re at fault or not.

In that dark place, you may forget the simple truth: you are loved simply because you exist. Your value and place in the family of God and among your friends is not dependent on how much you can produce or offer, but on you continuing to show up.
Shake off the personal slight of what may feel like judgment. Do not waste time wondering who considers you out of favor and who does not. You are already beloved. God already is well pleased and finds delight in you, as he did in Jesus.

John Shedd wrote, “A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.” Courage begins when we stop constantly scanning our environment for danger and disapproval. What’s done is done. People will think what they
think. They need not change you, and you need not change them. The more important question is, what’s next?

In the face of insurmountable odds and losses that shaped our world, Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

Maya Angelou agrees: “Courage is the most important of all the virtues because, without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.”