There is a specific kind of exhaustion that only shows up when you are parenting alone.
It is the moment you say “no” and immediately feel the guilt rise in your chest. The moment your child pleads their case like a tiny attorney, and you start negotiating with yourself instead of holding the line. The moment you say yes again, not because it is wise, but because you cannot bear one more conflict in a day that already feels too heavy.
That is where this conversation begins.
In this episode, Robert Beeson, Founder & CEO of Solo Parent, and Elizabeth Cole, single parent, have an honest conversation about why boundaries feel especially difficult when you are raising kids on your own. They are joined by Dr. Henry Cloud, clinical psychologist, leadership expert, and bestselling author of Boundaries, to explore what boundaries really are, why they are not unloving, and how learning to say no can actually strengthen relationships with your children and others.
From Elizabeth’s honest admission that her hardest boundary work is with her son, to Dr. Cloud’s practical and relatable explanations, this episode speaks directly to the inner tension many solo parents live with every day: wanting to be compassionate and generous, while also needing limits that protect your peace, energy, and home.
Key pain points this episode addresses (and why they matter)
A lot of solo parents are not trying to be permissive. They are trying to survive. But without boundaries, survival mode becomes a lifestyle, and it eventually costs you your health, your peace, and your connection with your kids. This episode speaks directly to:
- You feel responsible for everyone’s emotions, including your child’s disappointment.
- You say yes out of fear, guilt, or the need to keep the peace.
- You are overcompensating for what your kids have lost, and it is backfiring.
- You are carrying the mental load alone and burning out.
- You are co-parenting with someone who is unsafe, manipulative, or simply exhausting.
- You do not know what you need anymore because you have spent years ignoring yourself.
And under all of it is one pressing question: How do you love your kids well, love others well, and still not lose yourself?
Key Insights from This Episode:
• Boundaries are not walls. They are doors that protect what matters and allow good to flow in and out.
• Love without limits is not love. It often turns into enabling, resentment, or emotional exhaustion.
• A child who experiences loving limits develops the ability to regulate themselves and respect others later in life.
Boundaries protect your life so love can actually grow
Robert began by acknowledging something many solo parents quietly carry. Trying to love people well can slowly become a pattern of overgiving. When your worth becomes tied to keeping everyone happy, you can look generous on the outside while becoming depleted on the inside.
Dr. Henry Cloud offered language that helps bring clarity to that pattern. He explained that the clearest way to understand a boundary is to picture a property line. A boundary defines where you end and someone else begins. It determines responsibility, ownership, and control.
That idea lands deeply for solo parents because many of us were never taught to recognize emotional boundaries. Physical boundaries are obvious. Emotional ones are not. People step into our time, our energy, our mental space, and sometimes even our identity without us realizing it.
Elizabeth illustrated this in a very relatable way when she admitted that the hardest person for her to set boundaries with is her own child. She described how persuasive he can be, making compelling arguments for why rules should change. Many parents recognize that moment when compassion and exhaustion blur together and consistency becomes difficult.
Henry addressed one of the biggest misconceptions about boundaries. Many people believe saying no is selfish or unloving. But caring for your own needs is not selfish. It is necessary. Relationships were never meant to function with one depleted person constantly sacrificing while everyone else remains comfortable.
He used the familiar airplane instruction to make the point clear. You put on your own oxygen mask first so you are able to help others. Not because you are more important, but because you cannot care for anyone if you cannot breathe.
When boundaries protect your life, love actually has room to grow instead of being drained away.
Love needs limits or it eventually breaks down
Elizabeth shared something many solo parents feel but rarely say plainly. Setting a boundary often feels unloving. It feels like choosing yourself over someone else.
Henry reframed that idea by explaining that boundaries are not the opposite of love. They are the structure that allows love to function.
Love without limits can become possessive or enabling. Love without protection often leads to resentment and hurt. Healthy relationships require both grace and truth, care and clarity.
One of the most helpful pictures from the conversation was the image of boundaries as doors rather than walls. A door is firm but not harsh. It keeps harmful things out while allowing good things in. It allows generosity, care, and connection to move freely without allowing chaos to take over.
Robert connected this idea to the reality of solo parenting. Many single parents feel as though the door of their life has already been smashed down. They are carrying responsibilities that were never meant to be handled alone.
Henry responded with empathy that resonated deeply. He said being a single parent is like flying a plane designed for two engines when one engine has failed. If you feel like you cannot do everything, that is not a personal failure. It is the reality of carrying more than most people realize.
That reality makes boundaries not optional, but essential.
Boundaries with your kids are not punishment, they are preparation
The conversation then turned toward parenting, which is where many solo parents struggle most with boundaries.
Elizabeth spoke about the tendency to overextend or overcompensate because children have already experienced disappointment. It feels natural to want to shield them from even more disappointment – especially at home. But constantly saying yes out of guilt can unintentionally harm children in the long run.
Henry offered a grounding question that helps bring clarity. If there were two parents in the home, would I say yes to this?
That question helps separate a child’s real needs from a parent’s guilt or fear.
Children need limits because limits help them develop internal regulation. An external ‘no’ eventually becomes an internal ‘no’. That internal boundary becomes the ability to make wise choices, manage emotions, and respect others.
Elizabeth shared a practical example about limiting iPad use in the morning which would ultimately keep him from important things that would better set his day up for success. Her son often makes convincing arguments for why he should be allowed more time. Henry pointed out something important. When a child avoids responsibilities, it does not just affect the child. It affects the entire household – the parent.
Boundaries help children learn responsibility, contribution, and respect for others’ time and energy.
Henry also encouraged parents to take an honest inventory. How much of my strain could be reduced if I asked what my kids are capable of doing that I am currently doing for them?
Delegating chores and responsibilities not only lightens a parent’s load but teaches children how to participate in family life. It helps them grow into capable and responsible adults.
One of the most meaningful moments in the conversation came when Henry spoke directly to single parents. He acknowledged that single parenting is uniquely demanding and often invisible to others.
Simply being seen matters.
Many solo parents carry an enormous load quietly. Hearing someone recognize that reality brings relief and validation. Healing often begins when someone finally acknowledges what you are carrying.
If your days feel heavy, if holding boundaries feels exhausting, if you are still learning how to care for yourself while caring for everyone else, you are not alone. Growth takes time. Strength grows slowly. And every small step toward health changes the atmosphere of your home more than you realize.
Bonus: When Boundaries Get Practical
Toward the end of the conversation, Robert and Elizabeth walked through several real-life scenarios that many solo parents face. These examples helped bring boundary-setting out of theory and into everyday life.
Q: What if someone repeatedly insults or disrespects you? Is it a boundary to stop responding?
A: Henry explained that boundaries often work best in stages. A healthy first step is to communicate clearly that the behavior is not acceptable. If the behavior continues, the boundary becomes firmer, which may mean limiting or ending communication. Boundaries are not about punishing someone. They are about deciding what you will and will not allow in your life.
Q: Is it healthy to limit communication with an ex to email or one format only?
A: In many situations, yes. Henry shared that structured communication can be very helpful when conversations tend to escalate or become manipulative. Limiting communication to email or another written format can reduce conflict, create clarity, and provide accountability. For some co-parenting relationships, this structure protects peace and keeps conversations focused on what matters most, the children.
Q: If someone really understands how much they are hurting me, will they change?
A: Henry explained that the answer depends on who you are dealing with. Some people respond to truth with humility and growth. Others deflect, minimize, or avoid responsibility. And some people intentionally harm others. Wisdom means recognizing the difference and adjusting your expectations and boundaries accordingly.
These practical examples remind us that boundaries are not about controlling others. They are about taking responsibility for what is yours and protecting what matters most.
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
- Dr. Henry Cloud
- Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
- Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud
