Loneliness during the holidays hits solo parents in distinct ways. Some feel it in the quiet moments after a child leaves for the other home. Others feel it in the middle of a crowded family gathering when everyone else seems paired off, supported and accompanied. And for many, traditions that once felt joyful now feel unfamiliar or out of reach. These moments tug on deeper grief because they touch what has changed and what no longer feels the same.
Key Insights from This Episode
- The heaviness of unexpected loneliness in moments that should feel joyful
- The challenge of reaching toward connection when life feels overwhelming
- The grief of traditions that no longer fit and the uncertainty of building new ones
Naming and Normalizing Holiday Loneliness
Author and single parent Marissa Lee offers a powerful reminder that holiday loneliness often surfaces in surprising ways. She describes early seasons of grief where her son would become overwhelmed by something small, revealing how loss sits just under the surface during the holidays. Her insight reframes loneliness as something informative rather than defining. In her words, it is “a signal, not a verdict.” Loneliness points to what hurts, but it does not determine who you are or what your future will look like.
Elizabeth Cole, who has spent many years navigating solo parenting through the holidays, reflects on how both quiet mornings and crowded family rooms can carry their own ache. Being the only adult without a partner present can create a subtle, persistent awareness of what is missing. She describes this as a “quiet ache that lingers under the surface,” a feeling many solo parents recognize instantly.
Robert Beeson, Founder and CEO of Solo Parent, noted that loneliness often intensifies once the house becomes still. For some, the noise of the holidays can distract from the pain, but the moment everything goes quiet, the absence becomes unmistakable. He remembers those moments as “viscerally empty,” a reminder that naming loneliness is sometimes the only way to ease its grip.
Moving Toward Connection
Intentional connection is one of the most powerful antidotes to holiday loneliness. Elizabeth encourages solo parents not to wait for community to show up at their door, but to initiate simple moments with others: a quick text, a shared baking day, a breakfast invitation on a difficult morning. She describes this as choosing connection “one small intentional step at a time.”
Marissa emphasizes that digital community counts too. For many solo parents who feel isolated in their physical environment, gathering online with others who understand their experience can be deeply healing. She has seen meaningful friendships form entirely through virtual groups that offer empathy and relatability without requiring explanation.
Robert adds that children benefit when they watch their parent move toward community. He describes taking his daughters to serve during the holidays, not as a way to distract from pain, but as a way to experience connection together. These moments, he says, “became anchors of joy in seasons that otherwise felt uncertain.”
Creating and Reframing Traditions
Traditions often carry emotional weight because they are tied to memories of what life used to look like. After losing her husband, Marissa found herself unable to face old decorations and routines. Instead of forcing familiarity, she let her children choose new decorations on their own. What began as a desperate attempt to make the season bearable became a tradition that now brings genuine joy. It is an example of how new rituals often rise naturally when we allow ourselves the flexibility to adapt.
Elizabeth offers a relatable reminder that expectations need to stay gentle. Kids may not respond how we hope they will. A teen may shrug at an ornament that feels sentimental to a parent. A little one might race through decorating when we long for a quiet, tender moment. She encourages solo parents to hold space for both the joy and the unpredictability.
Robert shares how reframing a tradition his daughters loved led to some of their happiest holiday memories. What was once a formal neighborhood tradition became a wildly energetic “dad version” filled with music, lights and laughter. It was not a recreation of the past, but something new that fit the family they were becoming.
These examples show that reframing traditions is not about erasing what was meaningful. It is about creating space for what can still become meaningful now.
Listener Question
“I’ve never been to a Solo Parent group. How do I do it? What actually happens? And will I feel weird being new?”
Elizabeth explains that joining a group is simple:
Go to soloparent.org, select the Groups tab, choose an online group, and click the Zoom link. You can also join directly through the Solo Parent app, where every group and link is listed daily. When you join, the host will let you in after a brief safety check.
Inside the group, you will be greeted by single parents from all over the country. Some come early to chat. Many join a few minutes late because life is full. After introductions, the group walks through a short topic discussion, then moves into Open Share, where people talk about their real lives without pressure to offer advice or fix each other.
If you are introverted or shy, you can keep your camera off after introductions and participate at your own pace. As Marissa adds, “You don’t have to pretend. People get it without you having to explain everything.”
The awkwardness lifts quickly. What begins as uncertainty often becomes one of the safest places in a solo parent’s week.
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