Some seasons of solo parenting feel like living permanently on edge. You are making a thousand decisions a day, holding everyone together, and trying not to react from exhaustion or fear. The year ahead can feel heavy before it even begins. You want to move forward with intention, but survival mode keeps pulling you back into reaction. When everything depends on you, the pressure to get it right can feel relentless. Elizabeth Cole shared that as a solo parent, the weight of every decision rests on one set of shoulders. When the pressure is constant, it is easy to move through the day reacting internally and externally without pause. She described how even when she does not react outwardly, her body and thoughts often spiral anyway. That internal reaction takes a toll just as quickly.
This conversation speaks directly to that tension. It addresses the pain of living on autopilot, the fear of making mistakes when there is no backup parent, and the overwhelm that makes the future feel blurry. These pain points matter because unchecked reactivity leads to burnout, disconnection from our kids, and a quiet loss of hope. Intentionality is not about fixing everything. It is about learning how to choose presence, direction, and grace when life feels chaotic.
This matters because reactivity keeps us trapped in the moment. We snap, shut down, or overcorrect. Over time, this pattern shapes the emotional climate of our homes. Intentionality begins with something small but powerful. It starts with taking a beat. A pause before reacting gives space for clarity, regulation, and choice. It reminds us that we are not powerless even when circumstances feel overwhelming.
Key Insights from This Episode
- Intentionality starts with direction, not control
- Mistakes can become one of the greatest teachers in your home
- Keeping the bigger picture in view helps you respond rather than react
Intentionality starts with direction, not control.
Marissa Lee (author and single parent) explained that many of us confuse intention with control because control feels safer. Intentionality is not about manipulating outcomes. It is about choosing how we show up regardless of how things end. She shared how facing something as serious as brain surgery forced her to release control while still setting intentions for kindness, presence, and care toward her children.
This distinction is crucial for solo parents. Control demands perfection. Intentionality allows humanity. Starting with the end in mind does not mean obsessing over results. It means clarifying values. Who do you want to be as a parent? What kind of environment do you want your children to grow up in? From there, the focus shifts to daily choices rather than distant outcomes.
Marissa also reflected on how becoming a single parent changed her definition of success. What once centered on achievement and appearance shifted toward the long game. Loving well. Teaching values. Seeing her children. Those intentional choices shaped resilience in ways no checklist ever could.
Mistakes can become one of the greatest teachers in your home.
Elizabeth spoke honestly about the pressure solo parents feel to never mess up. When something goes wrong, there is no one else to blame. That pressure can lead to rigidity and fear. Yet mistakes are often where the most meaningful growth happens.
She shared a story about losing her patience with her son and later repairing the moment by apologizing and explaining what was really happening internally. That repair mattered. It modeled accountability and emotional honesty. It showed her child that mistakes are not the end of the relationship.
Another story highlighted this truth even further. When her son cheated on a test out of anxiety, the response focused on learning and repair rather than shame. Writing letters of accountability became an intentional act of growth. The lesson extended far beyond academics. It reinforced that there is always another option and that values matter even when pressure is high.
Marissa added that intentionality is not perfection. When children see parents own mistakes and forgive themselves, it creates safety. They learn how to fail, pivot, and try again. Those skills prepare them for life far more than flawless behavior ever could.
Keeping the bigger picture in view helps you respond rather than react
The final thread returned to perspective. Intentionality is not a single decision. It is a direction made up of many small choices. Marissa shared how enforcing boundaries with her son was uncomfortable but necessary because she was thinking long term. Short-term discomfort can protect children from much bigger consequences later.
Robert emphasized that recognizing choice is part of keeping the bigger picture in view. Sometimes the choice is action. Sometimes it is silence. Sometimes it is asking for help. Intentionality does not require immediate answers. Delayed decisions can be intentional too.
When daily life feels overwhelming, remembering that you still have agency restores steadiness. You may not control outcomes, but you can choose how you respond, how you repair, and how you grow.
