Isolation is seductive when life shatters. It feels easier to keep people out, to retreat behind the walls of your own strength. For single parents, the temptation is especially strong: if you’ve been betrayed, abandoned, or left to shoulder responsibility alone, why risk trusting anyone again?
But here’s the hard truth, while isolation may protect you from new pain, it also traps you in the old. Healing rarely happens in silence. It happens in the messy, uncomfortable space of being seen and known by others.
Toni Collier, speaker, author, and founder of Broken Crayons Still Color, knows this tension well. After her first divorce, she chose to walk alone. Shame convinced her to hide. That decision only deepened the pain. Years later, she faced another devastating ending, but this time, she had something different: a confessional community. A small circle of trusted friends showed up in the very moment she needed them most. Their presence didn’t erase the pain, but it gave her the strength to keep walking.
Safe community doesn’t happen overnight. It’s cultivated slowly, with intentionality and patience. And here’s the surprising part: it begins with us. As Toni says, “If you want safe people in your life, you have to first become one.” That means we must practice the very qualities we long for, honesty, kindness, consistency, and the courage to show up even when it’s inconvenient.
If you want trustworthy friends, become the kind of friend you’re hoping to find.
This kind of friendship runs deeper than surface-level connection. Healthy community looks like people who grieve with you before they try to fix you. It looks like someone sitting in your pain long enough for you to feel it fully. It looks like truth spoken with love and boundaries honored with respect.
For many single parents, the thought of building community feels daunting. Past betrayals make the risk seem too high. But the danger of isolation is greater still, it leaves you unprepared when the next storm hits. You don’t want to be searching for support in the middle of crisis.
Start small. You don’t have to share your deepest wounds right away. Reach out to one person who feels safe and take a simple step toward vulnerability. Join a Solo Parent group where authenticity is welcomed. Pay attention to who listens without judgment, who keeps confidences, and who shows up consistently. Over time, these small moments of trust grow into strong, dependable bonds.
Healing rarely happens in isolation, it almost always happens in the presence of safe, trusted relationships.
Community isn’t about quantity; it’s about quality. Even one or two safe people can change the entire trajectory of your healing. They remind you you’re not as alone as you fear. They carry the weight when your strength runs out. And they point you back to hope when shame tries to silence you.
When you let others walk with you, you also reflect something deeper: the truth that God designed us to need each other. We aren’t made to carry pain alone. And when safe people step into our lives, they become tangible reminders of His presence.
Choosing safe community doesn’t erase your pain, but it ensures you don’t have to face it alone.
Healing is never linear. It is slow, uneven, and often harder than we’d like. But walking it with others changes everything. The very vulnerability that feels terrifying becomes the doorway to hope. And in those spaces of connection, we find not only support for our present struggles, but strength for whatever lies ahead.
