(5 min. read)

The holidays are supposed to be the happiest time of the year. That’s what the songs say, anyway. But if you’re parenting solo, this season can hit like a weight on your chest. Everywhere you turn, you’re reminded of what’s missing, the spouse who’s no longer there, the family traditions that look different now, the memories that used to feel warm but now ache a little.

You might love your kids fiercely and still dread the holidays. You might be doing your best to hold it together for everyone else while you quietly grieve the way life used to be. Maybe the house feels too quiet when the kids are gone, or too loud when you’re the only adult managing it all. Maybe you feel guilty that joy feels forced.

If that’s you, take a deep breath. You’re not broken. You’re human. And even in a season that’s heavy, there are ways to move through it with intention and a little more peace.

1. Don’t go on autopilot. Instead, make space for what actually matters.

When life hurts, it’s easy to check out. You go through the motions: decorate the tree, buy the gifts, make it through the dinners. But that autopilot living can keep you from experiencing the small, quiet joys that still exist.

Before the rush hits, sit down with your kids, no matter their ages, and ask what traditions still feel meaningful. What do they love most about this season? What could they do without? Maybe it’s baking cookies together or watching the same Christmas movie every year. Maybe they’ve outgrown certain activities, and that’s okay too.

Being intentional doesn’t mean doing more. It means deciding what matters most. Create a short list of your “non-negotiables,” and let go of the rest. And if you share custody, plan early. Talk through schedules, expectations, and possible compromises before emotions run high.

You can’t do everything during the holidays. But you can do the right things with the people who matter most.

And don’t forget, you’re one of those people. Put something on your calendar that’s just for you: A quiet morning, a long walk, a favorite meal. You don’t have to earn rest or joy.

2. Be honest about money before it controls your peace.

Few things steal joy faster than financial stress. The holidays have a way of making even small budgets feel smaller. That’s why planning ahead (before the spending starts) is an act of self-compassion.

Write down every possible expense: Gifts, decorations, food, teacher presents, travel, even the little extras that sneak up on you. Then look at your list with honesty and grace. What can you realistically afford? What could you do differently this year?

It might mean cutting back on eating out for a few weeks or selling a few unused items online. It might mean homemade gifts or drawing names for family exchanges. These aren’t signs of scarcity, they’re signs of wisdom.

And if your kids are old enough, bring them into the process. Let them help brainstorm creative ways to give and serve. Bake cookies together. Volunteer as a family. Teach them that generosity isn’t measured in dollars, it’s measured in presence and heart.

The bottom line: Being intentional with your money is being intentional with your peace.

3. Prepare for the emotions before they surprise you.

For many single parents, the hardest part of the holidays isn’t the logistics, it’s the silence that hits when the kids leave for the other parent’s house. It’s sitting in a room that used to be full and feeling the ache of what’s changed.

You may be tempted to stay busy, numb out or pretend you’re fine. But here’s the truth: What we refuse to feel will always find a way to surface. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to grieve. It’s even okay to feel joy and sadness at the same time.

One of the healthiest things you can do is plan ahead emotionally. Ask yourself, “What will I need when the house is quiet?” Maybe that means scheduling lunch with a friend, seeing a movie or simply allowing yourself to rest.

And don’t do it alone. Find your “plus one,” someone you can text or call when the emotions hit hard. It could be a trusted friend, another single parent, or someone from your online group. You’re not weak for needing support; you’re wise for seeking it.

Grief and joy can coexist. The more you allow yourself to feel one, the more you’ll be open to the other.

4. Remember, different doesn’t mean bad.

The holidays might never look like they used to, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be beautiful again. You’re building something new, not replacing what was lost, but redeeming what remains.

This year, give yourself permission to redefine “happy holidays.” Maybe it means fewer gifts and more connection. Maybe it’s messy and unpredictable, but full of real moments with your kids.

Whatever it looks like, know this: Things are different, but they don’t have to be bad. 

If you take one thing with you, let it be this:

• You don’t have to do it all, just do what matters.
• Money doesn’t define joy…presence does.
• Feeling your feelings is how you make room for peace.

You are not alone in this. The holidays may hurt, but they can still hold light. And you don’t have to walk through them on your own. Join a Solo Parent group at soloparent.org/community and find connection, encouragement and community this holiday season.