There are many pathways into solo parenthood. Some begin after loss or unexpected life changes. Others begin with a courageous yes. November is National Adoption Month, and we are honored to highlight single parents who choose love through foster care and adoption.

Meet Kate Rapier, a single mom to two beautiful siblings she first welcomed into her home through foster care. Her story is a testament to bold compassion, faith and the power of saying yes even when life looks different than expected.

Can you share a little about your family and what led you to adoption?

I was sitting alone on my white couch scrolling Instagram during the pandemic lockdown in 2020. It had been about two months of living alone, adjusting to life during a pandemic, and my eye caught a post that a friend had shared. It was a picture of someone playing baseball with two little boys and both boys had hearts covering their faces. I got curious and wondered why their faces were covered. I clicked some more and soon learned that these boys were in foster care and the post was about Foster Awareness Month. I quickly read as much as possible from her posts and my brain started thinking, “I wonder if I could do that?” My life had not turned out the way I thought it would have. Not in a bad way, just in a different way. I found myself single and childless at 37 and that’s not what I would have necessarily planned.

After reading all of her posts, I grabbed my laptop and googled “foster care Nashville” and the Department of Children’s Services website popped up. Ten minutes later, I was signed up for an informational meeting and about three months after that, I was a fully certified Tennessee State foster parent. I really couldn’t handle the thought of kids being at home during the lockdown and not being in a safe, loving environment. I knew I had a little extra space in my apartment and a lot of extra love in my heart, and I just knew I wanted to help.

Honestly, when I first Googled foster care, I didn’t even know if single people were allowed to foster. It took about 3.5 months to get certified and about seven weeks later, I got a call for a placement for a one-week old baby girl. My phone rang at 2:30 p.m. as I was sitting at my desk working, and I had no idea that one phone call would change my life forever. About six hours later, the social worker texted me that she was at the bottom of my apartment building with the baby. I nervously went down to the ground floor and walked up to a car holding this tiny, perfect darling girl. It’s weird when you are in a moment and fully aware that this moment is going to change your life forever. I knew as I walked to the car and saw her strapped into the car seat that my life would be marked by this moment forever.

She was in a little yellow nightgown onesie, the kind that’s gathered at the bottom, and it was way too big for her. I signed some paperwork, got her out of the car, and the case worker said that she’d eaten about an hour earlier. That was it. She handed me a diaper bag that had been packed by a local church, and we walked away. The whole exchange took about two minutes. It was surreal.

When did you know you were ready to pursue adoption as a single parent?

I had really grand plans on how this whole foster thing was going to go. I would have a child in my care for a few weeks or a few months, then they would reunify with their birth family, and I would get back to my normal life for a few weeks and then maybe another kid would come along, etc.

Here’s one thing I did know: I did not want to adopt as a single person. I don’t know why, but I always thought I would do that when I had a husband and house and was settled. Ha, joke’s on me. But I guess that’s been a major theme of my life…life doesn’t always go the way I planned it.

What drew you to adopt siblings, and what felt important about keeping your children together?

A year after Gigi’s adoption, I closed my home for foster care. I thought I was done fostering for the foreseeable future, but God had other plans. I got a call in March 2023 that Gigi’s birth mom had just delivered a baby boy (her biological sibling), and he was also in need of foster care. Gigi and I picked him up from the NICU when he was six days old and I finalized his adoption right before his first birthday.

Adoption is such a profound act of love and courage. What was one moment during the process that really affirmed, “Yes, this is my path”?

Did I want to become a solo parent? No. Is it harder than I thought it would be? Yes. But it’s absolutely worth it. When people ask me how I do it, there are three things I can point to:

• Friends and family who step up and fill in as bonus parents, aunts, uncles, and love Gigi, Ryland and me so well.
  
• A foster community support group and a church who literally wrap around foster families like me. (Meeting needs like respite child care, laundry help, cleaning, meal prep, etc)
  
• Most importantly, my faith. Knowing there is a God who loves me and loves these kids is what keeps me going.

Solo parenting already comes with unique layers. What has felt especially meaningful about becoming a family through adoption as a single parent?

Creating a family culture with traditions and values and inside language jokes. We often all put a hand in the middle of us and count off and say “1,2,3 go team family!” Yes, it’s a lot of work solo parenting, but it’s also meaningful in different ways being the only always primary parent.

Were there moments where you questioned whether you could do it? What helped you keep going?

There are still moments that are hard. Choosing to be a solo parent is hard work but seeing their joy, their light they bring to the world, experiencing their love it’s truly profound and feels like I am the one who received the bigger gift during adoption.

For someone considering adoption as a single parent, what encouragement would you offer?

You can do it! Please do it. There are so many kids who are waiting for forever families. In my foster care training classes, they talked about the importance of every child having ONE caring adult. Just one. That was the statistic for a child thriving. THRIVING. One caring adult. Maybe you could be that adult for someone.

Kate’s journey reminds us that family can be formed in unexpected, sacred ways. 

To every single parent who fosters, adopts, or dreams of doing so one day: we see you. We honor you. And we believe in the beauty of the families you build.

You don’t have to walk this road alone.

If you’re looking for community, encouragement, and support as a solo parent, we’d love to walk alongside you. Learn more at soloparent.org