Navy Seal and motivational speaker David Goggins is always running, and always shouting. Who’s gonna carry the boats, son? Who’s gonna carry the logs? He shouts at you, and he shouts at me. In his books, interviews, and footage on social media, he shouts at everyone. It’s his mantra to unleash what he calls his “inner dog,” and daring us to do the same.

Consider the philosophy behind what you might see of a dog like Goggins.

“We all need small sparks, small accomplishments in our lives to fuel the big ones,” he wrote. “Think of your small accomplishments as kindling. When you want a bonfire, you don’t start by lighting a big log. You collect some witch’s hair—a small pile of hay or some dry, dead grass. You light that, and then add small sticks and bigger sticks before you feed your tree stump into the blaze…”

Small sparks start small fires that build big heat. This is Goggins’s rallying cry, to those ready to listen: your mission, in what limited time you have, is to build radical agency.

Your agency is your capacity to actively and independently choose and affect change. Your agency is your free will or self-determination. Will you let pain stop you? Will you listen to people who say you’re not up to a challenge? Will you let your life be led by fear? Will you prioritize staying comfortable, on the couch? Or will you demand more of yourself? “We’re either getting better or we’re getting worse,” Goggins says, dusting nothing with sugar. “The Buddha famously said that life is suffering. I’m not a Buddhist, but I know what he meant and so do you. To exist in this world, we must contend with humiliation, broken dreams, sadness, and loss.”

The military’s solo parents took an oath to protect and defend America against the enemy, no matter the cost. But “carrying the boats” isn’t just about national might. Who’s going to “carry the boats” at home? Supporting and caring for our children—not only financially, but emotionally and spiritually—is just as rich an honor.

Chances are you didn’t foresee being a solo parent when you joined the military. The vision you had for your career when you first enlisted may be very different now than it was before.

So what now? How can you juggle your commitment to your country with your commitments to your kids—especially on your own? Your days are already long, with time away and little for yourself. The sacrifices are many, from getting up at the crack of dawn to take your kids to school or daycare; leaving your child in the hands of others for weeks or months at a time, or missing out on important events or milestones. And when you are with them, the pressure’s on to be superhuman.

You may already feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and constantly torn between doing your best possible work and caring for the ones you love the most. You’re not alone. Thousands of other solo parents are serving and wrestling with these challenges daily. In a field where the mission comes first, deployments are inevitable, and extended hours are a given, your home life may feel stretched at best.

First, take a breath and remember this is familiar to many. It’s also ground that your fellow service members have successfully navigated. Today, we’ll take their advice on their strategic thinking and careful planning, and how they share their burdens with others. We’ll explore how to manage and grow your military career without having to compromise the kind of parent you want to be.